Am I an unfinished frame?
A finished frame? December 1, 2020 Strathcona, BC
Image description: white plastic sign cut out attached onto a rusty/decrepit chain linked fence, an orange city imposed optic cable structure. with brown and green dried plan life in background. Railroad tracks in background along with buildings, skyline and a small portion of mountains.
I tried to think of a witty way to say “taking a page out of the book of Liz Lerman” but I will be referring to a book she wrote, so I suppose I am literally taking a page out of Liz Lerman’s book Hiking the Horizontal, (insert witty metaphoric expression here and my face contorting out of embarrassment). Any who, it has resonated with me to use “questions as a way of life”, as a way of life. Since adopting this inquiring lens, I have been pleasantly surprised by the dailyness of my desire to be thinking about art / dance / presence / performing and the list keeps going.
In a recent conversation with my friend Francesca, I was able to share that I had finally come across the word I was looking for that encapsulated how I had been trying to accept the changing and evolution of my perspective/opinions/thoughts/convictions by being in modes of inquiry — normalizing these changes when new information arrises. The word is provisional. First entry from my googles search was from Oxford Languages, “provisional (adj.): arranged or existing for the present, possibly to be changed later.” I felt reassured to know this word now, how it truly fit how I approach my thoughts on art AND how it completely didn’t fit for describing my unchanging love and adoration for my dear friend.
So, I thought I would capture this dance of me thinking through frames / framework / composition / gaze / experiencing my reality
Part 1
Asking myself, what is the frame?
What is beyond the frame?
How do I reveal something about the nature of the subject? But I would normally say “nature of the thing?”
What happens if the subject is no longer the subject but the perspective behind the lens becomes the subject?
Can you feel the gaze behind these images?
It is a female gaze, do you feel it? Does it matter? Can I get it wrong?
How can I show the frame?
Who or what is behind the framing?
How can I make the framing/composing/editing non-violent?
Is the complementarity of focus/subject and the omission/erasure of something, the reason behind things creating a resonance?
How do I hold those two truths?
What if the frame is unfinished?
What is an unfinished frame?
What does it mean to be okay with something that may always be unfinished?
Does turning to poetry help in these moments?
Am I an unfinished frame?
An unfinished frame? December 7, 2020
Image description: box frames mattress and portions of a broken bed frame leaning against the side of a concrete building. Asphalt and garbage in foreground. The concrete wall has various shades of white and grey paint and portions of the wall look dirty/weathered.
An unfinished frame? December 1, 2020
Image description: mid ground focus on a three story building that is in early stages of construction. The exterior is partially finished with random windows completed while others are not, all lined with white plastic that has blue lettering that says Tyvek around the window panes. There is a collection of construction materials, signage, piles of plywood, window panes encased by a grey fencing in front of the exterior of the building. The side walk in front of the fence is muddy and has sporadic tire marks.
Just a reflection.
When thinking through this, it lead me to this realization that for a long time now, I had been doing this solo and kind of happily lonely practice of imagining that everything was a film or performance, just for me to experience.
So then it had me thinking about when I attempt to capture the way something felt or in this case using language and images as snapshots into my practice, they sometimes fall short of being able to truly convey what the magic of the experience was like. Kind similar to how it feels to try to describe a really image-full dream to another person. Even by using all the possible ways to communicate what it was (language, movement, visual representation, sound, etc.), most of the time it can still feel like an approximation. I thought of the symbol I knew for approximation, the double tilde ≈. I did a google search for the ≈ and came across this site on Mathematics. My take away is that the ≈ is used in notion to represent specifically “almost equal to” and that there are other variable notations for the different kinds of approximation, other approximations for approximations.
Amidst yet another google tangent, I was reflecting on how the word almost has been a regular in my vocabulary since I began making work. I think because of the heartbreak and the devotion inside of all things that are almost. The trying and the falling short, the striving and never getting somewhere (but getting somewhere else), the moment before, the inhale, the pre-_____, the unfinished. So then I started feeling and thinking that perhaps many of these moments that I experience as a film or performance for one, could indeed just be for one… for me. Don’t get me wrong, I still have the strongest desire to share what I see, stories and the dances I make and truly want them to be seen but I also have never been alone with my practice for this long. As a result of many things, this has lead to me think so much about scale.
So this, let’s call it “happily lonely filmic seeing practice” or “accidental aesthetic romance for one practice” or “whatever the thing Erika was trying to articulate, which I think I understand but would maybe describe it differently practice”, results in the smallest scale performances that I get to watch/make for now and it can feed me in the in-between moments, when my artistic brain can’t take a break.
This practice can be a little dangerous when I want to literally film all of my day, everyday but everyone else and everything else is so much more interesting to me these days and I keep happening upon movement in unexpected places. It also gets to be a little dangerous when I am compelled to pull over while driving to stand and watch steam plumes come out of a dry cleaning building’s rooftop vents for 15 minutes. (link to a little bit of this… ) The shadow dancing for the win though… I would have stayed longer if I didn’t have somewhere to be. The accidental aesthetics of it, get me… more thoughts on that next week.
A collection of unfinished frames? December 29, 2020
Image description: partial exterior of a light beige skyscrape and construction site on the top portion of the building with seven to eight new stories being built. There is a the base of a bright orange crane that sits on the top of the building, adjacent to the construction, spanning upwards and out of the frame. There is plywood panels placed through out the construction site, in addition to metal poles and scaffolding. There is a black pole in the foreground with a wire going out of frame but the depth of field looks a little a skew due to the zooming of the camera. White overcast sky in background.
Part 2
When the frame is an approximation, can it be something else entirely?
Is the else-ness of it what makes it special?
When does language not feel like an approximation (for me)?
Is it only slippery when I don’t acknowledge that there is a frame?
What are the invisible frames?
What are the frames before they are told they are frames?
How would a frame want to behave?
What is the responsibility of a frame?
What would it feel like to be both transparent and solid?
Is transparency low hanging fruit?
Could the frame around low handing fruit be subverted?
What is a subversive frame?
Do you think frames feel appreciated?
How does the frame move?
Does your gaze feel held?
I want to metaphorically hold your gaze.
Can you imagine a sensory frame, a frame that I made for you to feel within?
I learned about these kind of frames from some dance angels, they have been teachers to me
perhaps without knowing
they held me and oh how I want to hold you. I think I haven’t been brave enough until now to admit it.
An unfinished frame protecting unfinished frames? January 15, 2021
Image description: mid ground there is a bright blue fence in a rectangular shape, surrounding various construction or scaffolding materials, metal poles, plywood and garbage, in front of the side of a building that is covered in a variety of colourful graffiti. Most of the graffiti is words, sayings or names, some can be made out and others are more abstract. Some words that can be made out say: “SOBER”, “DiGS”, “MULUE”, “REAK”. The fencing has a gap on the side that sits next to the wall and was what I was drawn to when looking at the fencing.
A natural frame? May 26, 2020
Image description: mid to close up image of a red “no stopping” placard on a grey concrete wall. There is bright green morning glory ivy vines growing around the sign, making a frame around it. There is a small pop of blue sky at the top and a small pop of brown earth at the bottom. Bright natural sunlight apparent on the reflection of light off of the ivy leaves.
The pre-unfinished frame, framed? August 16, 2020
Image description: background of blue sky with many puffy white clouds covering the portion of the skyline at a time of day where the sun in setting or rising. Silhouette of trees, park benches, light posts, recycling bins, a single person running. Mountains and body of water in background horizon.
An unknowable frame? May 4, 2020
Image description: close up of cloud covered sky, mainly grey and white clouds. Centre of image, a small hole of blue sky can be seen. In the top right corner, there is a diagonal line that is an unrecognizable object, it could be a rope or electrical wire.
Part 3
This is an unfinished thought but as I think through how I identify with being an unfinished frame and wonder if there is something radical in not expecting a resolution? I think back to rooms in which I learned so much about the ethics behind working together, community agreements, consent and radical care. I can be an unfinished frame and accept myself for being so because of the tender frames in which I was held, especially in the last 2-3 years.
It makes me think my “happily lonely filmic seeing practice” is a coping mechanism for the in plain site part of me.
Does anyone else do things like this? How are you coping in the in-between that is now, that has always been an in-between but feels a little extra in-between-y these days?
Eternally yours,
Erika, in plain site
I’d like to acknowledge that this digital performance takes place in the digital sphere and on the land where I am. I am located on the traditional, ancestral and unceeded territories of the of the xʷməθkwəy̓əm (Musqueam), Skwxwú7mesh (Squamish), and Səl̓ílwətaɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) nations. I am grateful to the these nations who have cared for this land since time immemorial.
An unfinished frame? Is this female gaze? Can I get it wrong? May 22, 2020 Vancouver, BC
Image description: close up image of a woman wearing a black t-shirt with long brown hair. Image is cropped so only from below her nose down and upper arms upwards is visible. The background is over exposed and is white.